Top Of The World
Originally uploaded by drewmaniac

As most of you know, I’ve recently married. I realize all newlyweds go through an array of adjustments to their lives due to marriage. My wife and I are no different. In fact, in some ways I think my adjustments were probably greater than someone who marries young because I had lived out on my own for 10 years already. I was pretty set in my ways of doing things.

There were adjustments I was ready for. Then there were some unexpected adjustments as well. All of which I wouldn’t trade for anything, of course. Then there’s the little things that change. The things that you (as a husband) never thought you’d do, say, or actually adjust to. I’ve compiled a short list of things to be on the lookout for. If you are experiencing some of these things, as a guy, you’re almost certainly married.

1. There’s yogurt in your refrigerator.
2. Your refrigerator is full… of real food that has to be cooked!
3. Suddenly there’s no down time. Lot’s of things need to get done!
4. If you have a one car garage (like us), your car/truck gets left out in the weather. Always.
5. Nothing is ever where you left it. Even if you just set it down a few minutes ago.
6. Your clothes were always around and you knew where they were. Now they’re “organized”.
7. You now know what the word “organize” means.
8. There’s only one way to fold a towel.
9. You come home and you think you’re at the wrong house. Everything is neatly organized and clean!
10. You are given a brief rundown from time to time of what was on Tyra, Oprah, and other shows you never dreamed would air on your television. Whether you wanted to be briefed or not.

Paid Parking
Originally uploaded by drewmaniac

When we’re children it seems the whole world is at our fingertips. We have big dreams of what we want to be when we grow up. Personally, I wanted to be “a scientist”. The appropriate title would probably have been “zoologist”. That dream didn’t really pan out, for a variety of reasons. When we’re young we have a curiosity that is unmatched. We ask why, how, where. We want to know and often we want to know now.

As we grow older we tend to lose that curiosity. Adolescence convinces us we know it all and a few more years under our belts convince us we’ll never know it all. So we become comfortable with what we do know and we entrench ourselves in a willing stalemate. The music that is good is the music we grew up with as a child. The books that are good are the books we read when we were younger. The fast changing technology world is too much for us to learn, so we remain with the old inventions we’ve always used. Don’t believe me? How many times have you heard someone say, “Those computers are just too complicated for me.”? If you have, and I suspect you’ve heard something like that, then you’ve just met someone who has entrenched themselves into a willing stalemate in the game of life.

I have an 85 (or thereabouts) year old great uncle who can get on the Internet and for the most part knows what he’s doing. Could he have sat back and let that part of the world pass him by? Yes. But why remain unlearned? Why toss aside the curiosity to learn something new?

Seth Godin writes in a recent post, “Most people, most of the time, steadfastly refuse to pay attention.” He’s right. We don’t pay much attention most of the time and we chose not to. If we would just pay attention, we might just learn something new.

A few years ago in Galveston, TX some friends and myself were packed in a car. We had gone down to visit another friend who was suffering from leukemia in Houston. As we drove down the beach front in Galveston my friend, Jonathan passed up a CD from the band Bright Eyes. This was long before anyone had ever heard of them (him). We played the CD for a little while, but soon everyone (including myself) was done with it. Not only were we done with it, we didn’t want to hear it again.

A year or so later I found myself listening to that very same album on my own. Not only was I listening to it, I liked it. In fact, hordes of others were discovering the same thing. Why? We weren’t paying attention, we weren’t ready to, and we were firmly entrenched in what we thought was good music. Our curiosity was gone and we weren’t willing to learn some new music.

So challenge yourself. Challenge yourself to learn something new. It doesn’t have to be music. It can be anything you’ve been intending to learn for some time. Or maybe something you’ve never even thought of. Learn a hobby. Learn a sport. Learn a new (good) habit. Learn something. Don’t believe yourself to have figured out all you’re ever going to figure out.

Maintain your curiosity and learn something new.

This is the 2nd post in a series titled Challenge Yourself. The previous post was Break a Bad Habit!

~the hills are alive with the sounds of laughter~
Originally uploaded by Lisa at TSS

This month: Don’t Forget Humor in Your Life

It has been said a thousand times that laughter is the best medicine. I, for one, am a believer of that. Some of the most difficult moments can be quelled with the right dose of humor. Resolve to not take life so seriously and find some humor in your life. You might just find out that things are not nearly as bad as they seem.

“The secret to humor is surprise.” ~ Aristotle

“Humor is just another defense against the universe.” ~ Mel Brooks

“People of humor are always in some degree people of genius.” ~ Samuel Taylor Coleridge

“If I had no sense of humor, I would long ago have committed suicide.” Mahatma Gandhi

Velvet Jones
Originally uploaded by Lost America

“Good habits are formed; Bad habits we fall into.” ~ Unknown

My friend, Ryan likes to point out (quite often, actually) that it takes most people three weeks to create a new habit (good or bad). In most cases, I would say he and others are right. Therein lies one of the most difficult challenges in breaking a habit. It takes time.

We’re all creatures of habit. Sometimes the type of habits we form are not always in our best interest. Once we’ve allowed a bad habit to take hold, it can be difficult to challenge ourselves to break it. Who wants to work through something for nearly three weeks? We like to tell ourselves and sometimes everyone else who will listen that we don’t have time for many things. We’re just too busy. So we hold on to bad habits, or talk ourselves into never changing course.

Have a habit you’d like to break? Something you know is not benefiting you or those around you? Now is the time to challenge yourself. Realize it may take a few weeks to overcome, but in the end it will be worth it to change course. There is no better time to begin your challenge than now.

1. Identify Your Habit - If you’re ever going to change you must first admit you have a habit that needs challenging. Whether it’s exercising more, quitting smoking, eating less, or whatever the case may be. You must identify and admit it. Then you can start taking steps in your challenge.
2. Tell a Friend – Some of us have the will to go it alone. Most of us, however, could always use the encouragement of a friend. If you’re challenging a habit you find difficult to overcome, tell someone. A friend or loved one who will help you, not one who will shrug off your challenge. It always makes things a little easier if you have someone cheering you on in your challenges. But make sure they will hold you accountable! Your confidant isn’t much help unless they are challenging you and holding you accountable on a daily basis.
3. Set Daily Goals – Be sure to set goals, but make them realistic. They must be attainable or you will be setting yourself up for failure. One way to stay the course is to keep track of your progress and monitor it daily. If you’re trying to work out more, set some daily goals you’d like to achieve and keep track of them. If you stay on top of it on a daily basis, before you know it those first 2-3 weeks will be over and you will be altering your lifestyle dramatically.
4. Replace Your Bad Habit – So you like to eat often? Can’t seem to resist that unhealthy snack? Keep some sugarless gum around. As soon as you start chewing on some Orbit (or any brand of your choice) you’ll find that craving will subside. It’s about tricking your mind or more accurately, your stomach. It doesn’t have to be a piece of gum. Just find something that is better for you than indulging in your poor habit.
5. Understand There Will Be Setbacks – This is one of the biggest problems with so called yo-yo dieters (I’ve experienced some of this personally). You’re doing great for a couple of weeks, even months. You’ve cut out certain foods and everything seems great, then all of the sudden you’ve just ate a bowl of ice cream! Suddenly a little bit of ice cream derails everything in your mind. The next thing you know, you’re back to where you’ve started. When challenging yourself, understand there will be setbacks. This doesn’t mean you accept them and shrug them off. It just means that when you face a setback in your challenge you’re not going to let it derail your goals. Setbacks will happen. Understand it and get back to work on completing your challenge!

There are other tips one can use to challenge a bad habit. This is just a small list to get you started. Once you get going you can adjust your goals or even set new ones, in an effort to continue challenging yourself. The important thing is to get started and stay on track. Overcoming a bad habit of any kind takes time and patience. In the end, when you’ve successfully challenged yourself you will know it was worth it.

If you want some more tips and better advice this post on LifeEvolver has some great tips as well.

banned or challenged
Originally uploaded by *wanderlust*

To be tested, or challenged can prove to be a very positive thing in one’s life. I think we’re all smart enough to understand that. Yet very few seek out a challenge. We’re satisfied with the comfortable. We prefer the easy road. We’d rather be settled. As a result, there can come a point in our lives when we just stop growing. We stop learning new things. We must guard against this complacent attitude on a daily basis. One of the best ways to do so is to challenge ourselves.

Challenge - A test of one’s abilities or resources in a demanding but stimulating undertaking.

That’s the definition I think goes best with the point I am trying to make.

This is the introduction of a series of posts with a focus on challenging ourselves. Creating ways to set new goals, learn new things, meet new people, and so on. Challenging ourselves is one thing. Following through the steps to challenge oneself and be able to see positive accomplishments is quite another. So I hope this series will be very useful in encouraging all of us (I’m including myself) to set new challenges in our lives.

This also marks the beginning of some personal challenges for myself. By writing about them (some of them) I think it will help to keep myself accountable. Plus, in some way I hope it will inspire you to challenge yourself.

“Life’s challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they’re supposed to help you discover who you are.” ~ Bernice Johnson Reagon

What’s the point?, originally uploaded by Cocoabiscuit.

*Each Friday an interesting photo is selected to end the week on.

there’s nothing better than summer
Originally uploaded by virginiaz

“No great man ever complains of want of opportunities.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

• Late one night while crossing the Brooklyn Bridge, Barry Gibb noticed the beat of the seams in the pavement on the bridge were making against his tires. That beat led to a hand tap on the steering wheel. Then that led to some lyrics, “Jive talkin’. It’s just your jive talkin’. Telling me lies, yeah…” Once Barry got home, he wrote down the lyrics and a hit song was created.
• At 8 years of age and not content to learn simply from memorization and repeating what the teacher was saying, Thomas Edison asked questions about what he was being taught. He asked so many questions that his teacher called him “addled” (slow and confused) and after three months of formal schooling was sent home. I think you know a few things that he ended up inventing.
• A prominent lawyer in Chicago, Horatio Spafford had invested the majority of his money in Chicago real estate. Tragedy struck Horatio first when his son died. While still grieving over the loss of his son, the Great Chicago Fire of 1871 swept through the city, nearly destroying the family financially. In 1873, Horatio decided he and his family (his wife and four daughters) needed to go on a vacation in Europe to get away. Business led to Horatio staying behind. His intentions were to meet up with his family later in the trip. On November 21, 1873 the S.S. Ville Du Havre sunk and 226 perished, including the Spafford’s four daughters. While on a ship to meet his wife in England after the terrible tragedy he penned the words to the classic hymn It Is Well With My Soul.
• In the first of 11 years of working in an Oklahoma City Long John Silver’s restaurant, Wayne Coyne (of the band The Flaming Lips) found himself lying on the floor face down. They were being robbed and he was sure he was going to be killed. He wasn’t killed that night and goes on to say, “A lot of people look at life as a series of miserable tasks, but after that, I didn’t.” The Flaming Lips are now one of the most successful alternative bands of the past 15 years while remaining grounded in the Oklahoma City area. While resisting the usual temptations bands endure of moving to California or New York.

What do Edison, Coyne, Spafford, and Gibb all have in common?

They took their surroundings and experiences in life and made something positive of them. They didn’t feel victimized because they were told they were slow. They didn’t wallow in self pity, in spite of terrible tragedy. They didn’t ignore the simple things that can be found in everyday life. Even on a bridge in the middle of the night.

• I’m sure Wayne Coyne could have felt slighted in some way while working 11 years as a fry cook. I assume he didn’t make a whole lot of money performing that job.
• It would have been easy for Horatio Spafford to feel sorry for himself and react as if there was nothing left to live for in this world. I cannot imagine the grief he must have felt.
• I bet Barry Gibb could have just cranked up the radio and paid no attention to the simple beating of the tires as they crossed the bridge. I imagine most of us wouldn’t have thought much about them.
• I am sure Thomas Edison could have gone home and become bitter and uneducated because of the lack of patience his teacher had in him at such a young age. Back then most kids rarely went to school past the age of 12 anyway.

After hearing these stories, why would you want to play the victim of life? Why wouldn’t you stop for a moment and take note of the simple things in life? Why would you feel you’re being held back because you don’t make the sort of money you would like? They all experienced some of the same things in life you do. Sometimes to an even larger extreme.

The most successful people in life take their environment and life experiences and turn them into something positive. They pursue what they love and what they have a talent for.

Why wouldn’t you?

Paper Trigger
Originally uploaded by colinmlenton

Meanwhile, back at the office:

As I sat there and listened to the person beside me speak, I realized there were very few encouraging words coming out of her mouth. It was dragging me down, and she wasn’t even speaking to me. My mind wandered. I wondered if she had ever really accomplished much in her life. I wondered about her children, and felt somewhat sorry for them. How could one person always be so negative about so many things in their life? I eventually quit listening to her and went on about my business.

Before I continue, allow me to clarify one thing. Encouragement does not mean the absence of constructive criticism. Sometimes someone may tell us “no.” Or they attempt to advise us on something we should do, or should not do and we become defensive or even angry. We think they should be more encouraging. Shouldn’t they be telling us, “yes”, or “it’s okay”? As a child, when your mom tells you “no, don’t touch the stove”, she’s telling you that so you don’t get hurt. Not all negative comments or cautionary words are truly negative. Constructive or cautionary criticism is something we should invite. I suspect too many of us just become angry or defensive when approached with either. We shouldn’t.

Back to the office…

Do you work with someone who is continually negative? Do they do their level best to convince you that there’s nothing good coming from your job but the paycheck you receive each week? Of course, even that isn’t good enough is it? Does it seem nothing ever goes right in their day, career, or life? Me too.

Negativity is all around us on a daily basis. We have choices on how to handle it and the people who tend to emit this energy sapping mindset.

• Ignore It – I take this route sometimes. It’s usually the path of least resistance. The only problem with simply ignoring it, is sometimes we pretend to ignore it while surrounding ourselves with it. Instead of demanding a better attitude from those around us, or encouraging a different atmosphere, we sit idly by and allow the negativity to fester until it cannot be ignored.
• Change the Subject – Depending on the person you are talking to, this can sometimes be very effective. Anytime the conversation starts heading toward negative emotions, shift gears. Ask a question that you know the person will be able to talk about in a positive light. Shift the conversation to something more positive. Just don’t allow the negative emotions to take hold. You guide the conversation and stay on topic.
• Confront the Person – If the negative person who is dragging you down is your good friend or a relative, you might be able to pull this one off. Come to them offering assistance. Tell them you’re going to make sure they have a good time, see things more positively, or get back on the right track. If the negative person sapping your energy is someone you don’t know so well, I wouldn’t recommend this route. It would be better to simply lead by your positive example.
• Avoid the Negative Person – This is a move I recommend most of the time. It is the surest way to keep you from wasting your time, energy, and emotions with them. Don’t give them an ear. If you do, most will not let go. Avoid those you identify as those who will do their best to drag you down to their level. Surround yourself with people who want you to succeed. Surround yourself with people who will give you words of encouragement and a little constructive criticism when needed. Surround yourself with people who want to do their absolute best. Be strong enough to avoid the negative person.