Mending Fences, originally uploaded by drewmaniac.

“The worst solitude is to have no real friendships.” ~ Francis Bacon

Not much to say this evening. I’ve posted new photos on Flickr. Check them out.

I’ve been thinking about age of late. Particularly the older side of it. Certain events in my life have forced me to reckon with it I guess. I recently popped the question, so I’m sure that has a little to do with me thinking more seriously about life in general. She still hasn’t provided me with the answer of just how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop, but she did say “yes” to the marriage question.

Inside I feel like a kid who’s just turning twenty. I’m still listening to my music, keeping up with the times, and just enjoying life in general. My friends are all in their early twenties for the most part (the fiance’s getting there and I have a few stragglers still hanging around from the old days), so they tend to assist in my self deception. It’s my body that occasionally likes to remind me I’m not as limber as I once was. It’s gotten pretty cold of late where I’m at, and my knees have been reminding me they hate me for playing basketball in my younger days. Who am I kidding? They’re probably still angry with me for playing five days ago.

In less than a year I’ll embark upon the thirty-somethings. I still have yet to fully grasp the magnitude of that accomplishment. Give me a little more time to think about that, and I’ll get back to you. I think back to my parents and what they were doing when they were my age. They were raising three boys with a girl soon to be on the way. They had owned two homes at this point as well. My dad even operated his own business. Up to this point in my life I’ve avoided the responsibility of marriage, children, and what have you. I don’t look back and regret it. It’s just a fact of the life that I have chosen to live.

There are changes afoot however. Winter is fast approaching outside, but I’m refusing to act as if the winter of my life is near. It’s springtime, and things are just beginning…

You’ll have to excuse my reflective nature today. Long holiday weekends in the winter months do this to me. At least that’s what I’m blaming it on.

Jacks, originally uploaded by N.J. & R.J..

Sometimes, I wish I could see more places like this around. I’d visit them more often.

“Hatred is the coward’s revenge for being intimidated.” ~ George Bernard Shaw

We’ve all been there at some moment in our lives. As we stand in the presence of someone in authority or perceived authority over us, we feel the need to tone things down a little. We don’t say much of anything, for fear if we say the wrong thing we’ll be chastised or worse, laughed at. Sometimes its just natural shyness (which can be overcome) in our disposition that causes us to be intimidated by someone, but more often than naught I believe it to be a deep seeded belief that the person we are intimidated by is better than us in some way or another. While that may be true to some degree, it should never stop us from remembering this one thing. They are still a human being.

Why do people in positions of authority (real or perceived) in the workplace intimidate us? Too often we take things too personally in the workplace. We want to be friends, or we want to be accepted in some way by those we spend the majority of our day with. This is a natural desire. Sure, there are times when people get angry with us at work, but it is best to always keep in mind it’s not personal, even when it is. If we can keep that at the forefront, we will have conquered a major mountain in overcoming the intimidation factor. In fact we will have overcome one of the most damaging aspects to our advancement within a company. A timid personality that is constantly believing that this person or that is treating us poorly. Sometimes that intimidation you feel being directed toward you is nothing more than an overly active imagination.

If you are in a new job where a first impression is being made almost daily, then probably one of the best things you could do is to learn your job. While creating good business relationships is important and essential to your overall growth within the company, you will not be very impressive after a while if you never learned what it is you’re supposed to be doing. I’ve seen far too many people come in as the new rising star of the company as they charm their way to the top, and then when it gets down to the point (working) they fizzle out. Over time, they disappear with barely a whimper. If you focus on improving your job skills and your overall performance you will become more comfortable with your surroundings. Which is key to not finding yourself intimidated by others.

Place your performance as first on your priorities of things to improve. In time, if you create a good working relationship with your co-workers you’ll become so comfortable with everyone and everything around you it will be difficult to be intimidated by them.

Your boss, the president of the company, and that person that sits next to you at work are all human. Just as much as you or I. Instead of cowering in fear of what they may or may not think about you (or even what they may say), why not treat them as a human being instead of some god to be feared? Treat them as you would want to be treated. Talk to them and try to connect with them. Ask them questions about things and get their opinions. Most people like to voice their opinions. Interact and listen to them, and their opinions. Even if they’re a little ridiculous in your mind. In time, you’ll notice you’re not intimidated by them at all. It takes time and the willingness to invest a little bit of energy, but it is well worth it.

“Education helps one case cease being intimidated by strange situations.” ~ Maya Angelou

The subject of intimidation has been on my mind of late. Intimidation in the work place, to be exact. What is it? Is it a legitimate complaint when one fails to perform a function of their job? Why do people feel intimidated by others they work with? Why do those in positions of authority sometimes feel it necessary to intimidate others in an attempt to control (they would argue I should use the word “manage”, rather than “control”) their employees? To answer some of these questions I’ve tried to categorize different types of intimidation. Let’s examine intimidation, both in the form of being its victim and in using it as a tool to control other’s actions. Keep in mind, I am mainly addressing intimidation in the workplace. I understand there are many different areas where a person can feel intimidated, be intimidated, and even intimidate.

What is intimidation? The word intimidate comes from the Medieval Latin word intimidatus, which is a past participle of intimidare, from the Latin in- + timidus, or timid. Webster defines it as, “to make timid or fearful: frighten; especially: to compel or deter by or as if by threats.” and it, “implies inducing fear or a sense of inferiority into another.” Before you get too impressed, I promise I am not a man of words, or letters for that matter.

Why do people intimidate? I think we can all recall a time when we came across someone who was threatening or intimidating. Maybe we’ve even been that person. The question is why would one intimidate in order to get their way, or manage someone? Some think it’s a way to gain respect, or to motivate others to perform a task. While in the short term, I do believe that it can cause someone to do what you want, and even feel as if they have a form of respect for you and your authority, it is can ultimately become the source of your downfall. As a manager or supervisor, constantly dishing out threats (verbally or otherwise) may give you the feeling of control, but what it is doing in the long run is exposing you to a mutiny. In fact, I’d even go so far as to say it’s exposing you to everyone as a person who is insecure about your own abilities to lead or manage (which I believe to be two entirely different things, but that’s another post).

Managers who intimidate their employees are not encouraging them to perform at their highest level. In fact they are often stifling their effectiveness and ability to be creative and bring new ideas to the table. Who wants to come up with new and efficient ways to help the company when the boss is constantly tearing them down? An effective manager is going to come up with creative and motivational ways to encourage their employees to work as a team for the good of their cause (the company’s goals and what have you). I’m not talking about forced “Chicken Soup for the Soul” in morning meetings, or ridiculous games that try to see if you’re smarter than a fifth grader (both of which I have witnessed). If the only way a manager knows how to motivate is through intimidation, they will have a work force that operates like robots and in constant fear. The most that will ever get done will be just enough to not get into any trouble.

As I mentioned earlier, some believe intimidation is the window to respect. That couldn’t be further from the truth. While it is true one may gain some respect out of fear from their employees, it will only be a matter of time before that respect turns into resentment at best. Resentment, left unchecked, eventually will turn into rebellion and before one knows it the entire workplace will be infected with the attitude of mutiny. There will always be employees, who no matter how many times the boss holds the gun to their head, will not be intimidated. They may not say much at first, and they may not even react to the threats when they are made, but they will garner a resentment for their manager and what the company stands for. In truth, they will only be working for their paycheck, and a work force that is only working for their paycheck is usually only going to do just enough to get that check and then go home.

Using intimidation as a tool to lead people is weak and exposes one as insecure in themselves and their ability to motivate others to accomplish goals.

Next time I intend to discuss some of my ideas on what to do when one is trying to intimidate you, and what to do if your being intimidated by someone is a figment of your imagination. Yes, I do believe intimidation can be one’s imagination run amok.

Pondering Friend
Originally uploaded by drewmaniac

“Here’s to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The trouble-makers. The round heads in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They’re not fond of rules. And they have no respect for the status-quo. You can quote them. Disagree with them. Glorify, or vilify them. But the only thing you can’t do is ignore them. Because they change things. They push the human race forward. And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world. Are the ones who do.”

“I want to put a ding in the universe.”

“Sometimes when you innovate, you make mistakes. It is best to admit them quickly, and get on with improving your other innovations.”

~ Steve Jobs

Music in the workplace can be a great way to pass the day along or a great annoyance if you work in a place that is music friendly. It really depends on how you look at it. Most people who love music see it as a way to enjoy their work, and I’m one of them. I do think it’s important to be aware of your surroundings and keep the volume at somewhat of a minimum. I’ve sat by people who ask me to turn up certain songs and whatnot, and while that is nice I try to make sure I’m not annoying those around me. The music really does get me through the day sometimes. Especially on those days where it seems everything is falling apart and I just can’t seem to get caught up.

This brings me to a recent predicament I find myself in. A music war has been escalating of late between myself and another person sitting nearby. I’ve tried to keep it civil, but when a country music station drowns out Rage Against the Machine something needs to be done. So the volume went up a little here, and a little there throughout the entire day. Not too much at a time, for fear of enraging other co-workers. Yet it wasn’t too long before I noticed the commercials from the country radio station were drowning out my music some more! So, the volume was turned up even more. Before too long the battle was on and it was Alan Jackson versus Zach De La Rocha!

Today’s battle was won, but there will undoubtedly be more to come. Stay tuned…